bedrooms and the self

The weirdest thing was several weeks ago back in my parents house sleeping in the little attic room they’ve called my room – how does that compare to all the other rooms I’ve called my own since I came into consciousness, little side room on Benson street, little middle room on Knorr St., back bedroom on Knorr St., shared with siblings, first a sister, then a brother, then little small room with four other friends in Israel, then back to the bedroom in Knorr St., then small double on Hill House at Penn, then small double in High Rise at Penn, then my own small and narrow first room, place of hiding in a time of death, sleeping till 4 PM, wake and watch from 4 AM on, playing some strange video game, Baldur’s Gate maybe, even as my soul would periodically start screaming, and then Hamilton Court, quite a nice much larger room, out of the institutitional game, then Spruce St., with my much larger nice back-facing south-facing room, then home again, then Elsewhere & a Room Upstairs, then the couch/living room of friends for eight weeks, then back home again, then finally, a sublet apartment with a bed in a bay window nice and strange and dangerous back out living, which everyone else does with such greatest of ease busy busy living & that other inevitability, all these other inevitabilities, instabilities, vulnerabilities, lost my there there, no, not true, but did have some there there for certain – lost my there elsewhere, someone else’s bed and then another place – in West Philly, reasonable and nice and one bedroom – and then home again to save some scratch – and then back out again to slay some ladies, never slain and then several rooms in countries across Europe, the Grand Tour, Rome & Santorini were the nicest, and Amsterdam most reminiscent of the bedrooms thus far — and then back, to a bedroom in DC, and then back to the Knorr St. domicile, and then a bedroom in New York, my aunt’s, and then another horrible little bedroom in Soho, for two whole years of sadness, and then back to a new home bedroom in Elkins Park, for a moment and a moment, and then another bedroom and then a new bedroom, with a bay window and french doors

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